he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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