Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
