My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't turn off my feet"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
