he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
