He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I AM VODKA MAN
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
