We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
