yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
