i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
