We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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