It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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