She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
