I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
