Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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