i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
