D3 body, D1 cock
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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