Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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