She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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