i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
PANTIES FOUND
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