There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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