He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
