I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
