I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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