How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
