I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize