I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm too high and old for this...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize