omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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