Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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