don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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