I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
