but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
