the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
