i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
