She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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