There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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