separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
