Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
