things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You made out with two different species that night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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