i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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