Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
