its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize