So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
