Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
