Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
