I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize