We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
