I'm so fucking centered right now
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
