we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
