i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize