Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
