Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
