he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
