I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
