Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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