His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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