literally had 100 drinks last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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