after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
