i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
