I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
