wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
