I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
