Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize