it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
