I think I am morally bankrupt
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So much rum. So many feels.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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