We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I supernannyed him into submission
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
