i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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